(listed in no particular order)
• Have a good repertoire of swear words in different languages.
• Swear particularly viciously at all female drivers
• Refuse to ask for directions even when obviously lost and have a huge argument with the wife who dares to suggest it.
• Continuously whine about lack of lane discipline but laugh at all the NRIs doing the same thing. (Note: NRI stands for non-resident Indian).
• Curse the traffic signal for not letting you through.
• Wait for the signal to change while hogging the zebra crossing -- pedestrians : who are they?
• You cannot allow anyone else to overtake you -- from the right side or otherwise ! Drive like a maniac to ensure this.
• Preach about not talking over mobile phones while driving -- but continue to do so in an inconspicuous way -- switch on the speaker mode and demonstrate your ability to multi-task.
• If you are a senior citizen, you typically drive with both rear-view mirrors fully closed ! This will prove the existence of a merciful Providence -- one who lets other people go unscathed while you make sure your mirrors shine as much as they used to when your car was new.
• Never, ever signal right or left -- it is just more fun to let people guess which way you are likely to turn (or not and go straight!).
• If you are driving at night, you have so many more options: (i) drive without headlights, (ii) to make things more interesting, drive with just one headlight on so oncoming traffic cannot guess if you are driving a 2-wheeler or a 4-wheeler, (iii) If you do have both headlights on, have such a powerful beam so as to blind anyone within a radius of 10 feet.
