Before I start off, I have to say that although I am not a big fan of reading newspapers of any kind, I look forward to Saturday mornings -- to savour the articles in Mint Lounge. I have always liked articles by Aakar Patel. He does not shy off sticky issues and presents a really
articulate and logical analysis of whatever topic he chooses to deal with.
Recently, there was an article by Aakar Patel in Mint Lounge on the vows of marriage in different cultures. In his opinion, the husband and wife are equals in a Hindu marriage, whereas in other cultures the husband is decidedly superior, going by the actual words of the marriage vows.
Thinking about it, I keep coming back to the differences in whatever is put down in letters and the actual reality. In theory, perhaps, we are equal partners in the matrimonial adventure, but does that translate to what really happens ? Other than for a negligible minority, I am certain this does not hold.It is something I feel strongly about and that is why I decided to air my views on it.
Even if there is "progress" in terms of education and employment -- in the Indian home, there isn't much equality in what you do for the home. The ancient roles of the husband as bread winner and the wife as the home maker dominate the way of thinking about marriage. So, what can a well-qualified and well-employed professional female look forward to after marriage ? To begin with, she has her hands full with cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry, apart from grocery shopping, vegetable shopping and bill payments. She is educated and is, therefore, labelled good enough to get some amount of bank work done as well as to supervise miscellaneous repair jobs. She is expected to do all this and her regular job without any major assistance -- a maid in most cases to do the housework. Still, as she needs to go behind the maid and supervise her in great detail, this does not give her any respite in terms of the time spent in this. Most families do not have a cook -- in any case, it is difficult to find one to suit one's particular tastes and/or timings and so on. It is simply easier for the Indian wife to cook on her own. At the end of the day, she needs to answer questions and respond to demands for freshly laundered clothes, new recipes (to have some variety for one's palate) -- the husband acquires a trained housekeeper, the wife becomes one. It only gets worse after the couple has a child (or children). Now, in most cases, the wife gives up her job to care for the child -- she has new duties thrust upon her -- and once the child reaches school-going age,
she needs to drop her at school, pick her up from school, get her fed, bathed, take her to the park to play with her friends, go to birthday parties, organize a few, deal with schoolwork and studies -- the list just grows. Meanwhile, what gives about her career -- what career ?? Getting a part-time job is no cakewalk; if she does manage to get one, she still has to do everything else on top of that. So, to come back to our theme, when an Indian male gets married, he acquires a housekeeper, cook, child-care-giver all rolled into one and thinks he has yelling rights over her. He gets to eat homecooked food, come back to a clean home and to spoil the kids. The well-read, professional Indian female can at best become a frustrated, sleep-deprived multi-tasking supermom. Frankly, I do not think men think about, let alone talk of, balancing their families and careers after marriage. Fair or not -- one needs the wisdom of Solomon to sort this one out.
Image taken from blog.mahindrahomestays.com
